I just want to have one more conversation. I need to tell you a few more things. I never got to tell you how important you were to me. I never got to say thank you for all that you did for me. I wish that I had one more day with you. Losing you was the most devastating thing that I have ever had to endure. Even after all this time, I still miss you.
Having the feeling of wanting to talk to them one more time can be overwhelming. Not having them near you and missing them can show up in everything that we do.
One of the things that we are never ready for after the death of a loved one is the missing part. The missing them can show up at a time when we least expect it. Along with missing them is this overwhelming urge to talk to them one more time.
We often talk about all of the things that we wished were different. I need more time. I wish I did not say those mean things to her before she left. I need to apologize to her, and now I cannot.
How about the things that we wished were better? I wish that the circumstances around her death were better than they were the day she left. There are so many things in our relationship that I wish I had done better.
Most importantly is the more. Wanting more of them. And this is where the desire to talk to them stems from. I want more time. I want to talk to her one more time. There is so much more that we still need to do.
For so many of us, when we are stuck in any one of these three areas and want and wish for things to be better, different or more, it can leave us wondering what happened and why.
We cannot really answer your sad questions for you. The answers are deep inside of you. But we do know that the urge to talk to her is your broken heart talking to you. As painful as this is, this is your normal and natural reaction to the loss – you are not going crazy.
What may be the hardest is the fact that you never got to say goodbye. This painful feeling of things being left unfinished tends to stay with us for a while.
The definition of grief: Grief is the feeling of needing them one more time but them not being there. What you are feeling is an incomplete relationship and a conversation that still needs to take place.
- Feel your Feelings
Allow whatever shows up for you when you are missing her to just be there. Sad, happy, broken, overwhelmed – we need to just allow all the feelings. Call them by their name and feel them. This is sadness. Okay, hello sadness.
- Let Yourself Cry
If the tears come, let them flow. Don’t feel as if you are not allowing yourself to cry. Grief hurts and, sometimes, the tears will come. Let this sign of pain be okay.
- Start journaling.
In this pain, when we start to write, we can tell ourselves exactly how we are feeling and put it in down on paper. This will not take the pain away.