This is the last Mother’s Day post Donovan had written for me, and when it shows up on my FB memories, it always brings up bittersweet emotions. I miss him so much! Each passing year brings dreams that I will never see him, or his bother achieve. I will never see them find success in a career they love, get married, or have children. The hardest part of their passing away was and remains the hole they have left behind in my soul.
They were such good boys and had the biggest hearts. Holidays and birthdays are difficult for any grieving soul. But, for a Mom who has had to see their child buried, Mother’s Day is one of the darkest days. It is a constant reminder of one’s broken heart.
The things that people say trying to help ease the pain – “just give it time” or “focus on the kids you have at home” – are not at all helpful. They are rather hurtful comments. I can remember the first Mother’s Day after Donovan, and this memory popped up on Facebook. I felt as though I was punched clear through my soul.
There is no time limit on grief. It is just like a knife stuck into your heart, preventing you from living your best life. It can be removed. It is possible to take steps to mend your broken heart.
There’s so much misinformation floating around about grief and loss that finding the right kind of help can get quite overwhelming, especially when you can barely figure how to even make it through to the end of the day with a heart that’s drowning in pain.
There’s no magic wand out there that can completely erase how much I miss my boys. I would have remained a shell of a person, no good to myself or to my family members who were also grieving.
After reading Sharon’s post on “A Mother’s Day without Mom,” I was completely struck by her ideal for the day—have a plan.
All I could think of was the grief that the mothers without a child have on Mother’s Day. I want to reach out to all the mothers out there through a special angel in heaven to let them all know that my heart is one with them. I do not know what each of you are going through this Mother’s Day, but I do remember what my broken heart felt like. There was only pain.
Do talk about your loved ones this year. Share your special plan with your families and include them all with you in this day. Most importantly, remember that you are the mother of a very special child.
I am the mother of Donovan and Austin. I miss them every single day. But the most respectful thing that I can do for them is to grieve properly. I am so happy that I found the Grief Recovery Institute to help me have a complete relationship with my boys. Most importantly, I am honored to walk on this path with every mother out there who is suffering in her own personal hell.