Losing a loved one is often seen as one single, overwhelming loss. But grief isn’t just about that one person—it can create a domino effect of losses in other areas of life. These “secondary losses” are changes that come in the wake of the primary loss and affect multiple aspects of our lives, from financial stability to personal identity. 

What Is Secondary Loss? 

Secondary losses are the additional, often unexpected changes and losses that follow a loved one’s death. They’re called “secondary” not because they’re less significant but because they stem from that primary loss. These losses affect everything from relationships and routines to roles and dreams. It’s a layered experience that extends the grief journey in many directions. 

Why Are These Losses So Surprising? 

Secondary losses catch people off guard. For instance, the loss of financial stability, friendship dynamics, or even a sense of identity often emerge slowly after the initial loss. Recognizing these changes can help validate your grief and make the process feel more manageable. 

How Secondary Losses Are Overlooked 

Secondary losses are often so personal that they aren’t easily recognized or supported by others. Most people understand that you’re grieving the death itself, but they may not notice or acknowledge the secondary losses. Grieving can feel isolating, especially when those around you assume your pain is only about the person who passed away. 

Researchers Stroebe & Schut once observed, “There has been a lack of recognition of the range of stressors, the multiplicity of losses, integral to the bereavement experience.” It’s not just about who we lost; it’s about all the parts of life that change as a result. Understanding this can help you be kinder to yourself as you navigate these layered experiences. 

Secondary Loss as Disenfranchised and Ambiguous Loss 

Secondary losses often overlap with other types of grief, like disenfranchised and ambiguous loss. Disenfranchised loss means grieving something society doesn’t openly acknowledge, like losing a role or sense of purpose. For instance, people might not understand the loss of financial security or the feeling of disconnection from oneself. Ambiguous loss is different—it’s about feeling uncertain, like when parts of our identity feel lost or changed. This happens with shifts in identity, beliefs, or life goals after a loved one’s death. 

Why Recognizing These Losses Matters 

Understanding secondary losses allows you to take stock of all the changes grief has brought, not just the obvious ones. This awareness can make a huge difference, allowing you to address specific areas of your life that need healing and support. 

How To Cope with Secondary Losses 

Here are some practical steps for handling these layered losses: 

• List Your Losses: Write down all the ways your life has changed. This can help you understand your grief and see areas where you might need help. 

• Share with Trusted People: Talk about these losses with those who can support you, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist. 

• Seek Support: Join a support group or connect with others who have experienced similar losses. Shared understanding can be powerful.