I am Drowning?

April 30, 2021

Unresolved grief can have the feeling of drowning.  As a Grief Specialists, we are well aware that death and divorce are the most common causes of grief our thoughts turn to when we consider grieving.  Several of us have hundreds of grieving experiences and never think of them as grieving.  If grief is a normal and natural reaction to a loss of any kind, then it is also a natural reaction to a change that we may experience in our life.

  • Becoming an Empty Nester
  • Retirement
  • Being Fired
  • A financial change

The above-mentioned are a few examples.  I believe that if you are anything like me, you leave no stone unturned to jump in to help and adjust.  But sometimes, you do not slow down long enough to experience this event to the fullest.

At times, we need to slow down, sit peacefully in our own space, and ask ourselves a couple of questions.

  • How is this change going to affect me?
  • How do I feel about this change in my life?

We must always be truthful about ourselves.  If your truth is that you feel incomplete in any area of your life, it may, in fact, be a grieving experience.

If you wish to avoid discussing this experience, it may be a grieving experience too.  You might want to talk to everyone you encounter about this life changing event, and it may still be a grieving experience.

Sadly, most of us will do what we have always learned, and that is to bury our heartbreak.  From an early age, we have been taught not to share our pain.  “Be Strong, don’t burden your friends and family.”

As Grief Specialists, we also know that grief is cumulative, and it is cumulatively negative.  These little bits of brokenness will continue to attach themselves to our heart.

Let me give you an example: If I were to give you a bag and hand you a potato to place in it every day, informing you that your only job in life would be to carry that bag around.  For how long do believe you will be able to continue carrying this bag of potatoes?

The same thing happens with our heart.  We continue to allow these little holes to damage our heart without mending them.

Today, I received a call from a client. When I answered the phone, she just broke into tears.  She had not had to deal with a recent death, nor was she going through divorce.

She just had one to many potatoes in her bag.  She needed help with her heart-work, with mending the little holes that life had caused in her heart.  She shared with me that this lack of control in her life was scary.  Most of us acquire the ability to control our lives and emotions over time.

Multiple losses in life can cause a feeling of sudden loss of control, as in the case of my client.  At times like these, you may find yourself feeling sad and / or crying incessantly.  You may find that you cannot find those joys in life that you once enjoyed. These are some of the most common reactions to grief.

When people feel overwhelmed to this extent in their lives, there are normally two different directions that people take with their broken hearts.

The most popular one will be to attempt the repair work on their own.  This repair will look something like this—I am not going to talk about this, I can handle this on my own, I will turn to some of the self-comforts that have always helped me.  I will resort to food.  I will go to the gym and exercise more.  I will have a glass of wine every night.  Trust me, I can go on with this list.  I can tell you, from personal experience, that all the above will work.  The sad part is that it will only work for a short time.

Shortly after you are done with your self-healing, the pain in your heart will return.

If you have ever felt that grief was controlling your life, trust me, there is nothing wrong with you.

The second, less-obvious route is to seek help for your broken heart. Get this help from a Grief Specialist like myself, who has undergone special training to help you take action at the level of emotions to deal with the underlining issues that make your personal grief so unbearable.

I do not know what your broken heart feels like, but I do know that when I had a heartbreak, it was not good.


If anything in the above blog has you thinking about the pain in your own heart, do feel free to reach out to me at any time for a Free mini session.


Time will not heal this pain.  Actions will.  Take the first action step to healing: Book a Free Session


Holding Your Space,

Sharon Brubaker

Related Articles

You Now Live in the Alternative Universe

Hello, dear listeners, and welcome to another episode of "Healing Starts with the Heart." I'm Sharon, your guide on this journey of understanding and healing from grief. Today's topic is a unique one: feeling like you're living in an 'Alternative Universe' after a...

Loss of Trust in the World and People

Hello, everyone! Welcome back to "Healing Starts with the Heart." I'm your host, Sharon. Today, we're going to explore a tough aspect of grief that many of us face: losing trust in the world and the people around us. When something really big and painful happens, it...

Grievers Have Choices

Hello, everyone! Welcome to another episode of "Healing Starts with the Heart." I'm Sharon, your host, and today we're going to talk about something really important: the choices we have as grievers. Often, when we're grieving, it feels like we have no control over...