Why do the tears never come?
Crying is not grieving; tears may or may not be a sign of your grief. As grievers, we judge the progress of our grieving by the amount we cry.
So often we meet clients who say, “But I’ve grieved already.” However, when we dig a little deeper, we find that grievers truly believe that crying and grieving are equal. The truth is that crying is just crying, while grief is an emotional event. Emotional events affect our hearts and do not show in our eyes. That said, crying is the outward sign of the pain in our heart coming to the surface.
But do you have to cry to grieve?
No. We meet so many grievers who complete their grieving process without shedding a tear.
Are they being honest with themselves?
Yes. For them, crying is not the way they experience emotional pain.
As the griever, one needs to accept whichever way grief shows up. We will also tell you that each grieving experience will be different. You may never cry for your work colleague who passed away in a car accident even if you were truly great friends. But you may not be able to stop crying after the loss of your cat.
Friends, both these signs of your grief are OK.
This is your grief, so honor it as you please.