Setting Healthy Grief Boundaries

March 23, 2020

After the death of a loved one, you may experience anxiety because…


You are trying to avoid unpleasant thoughts, memories and emotions.


Then add in all of the family and friends that show up with the perfect idea on


how you should handle your grief.


Setting boundaries is hard.  Our hearts are crying out for balance now more than


Ever before in our life.  We struggle to find that right balance between the


impossible and what we need.  It is so common to become overwhelmed or stretched


to the end.   Trying to find the balance in your own self-care can feel extremely selfish


right about now.  But is it really a selfish act?


Many of don’t even know what boundaries are or that we even need to set them.


What Are Boundaries?


A boundary is something you create for yourself, and it’s commonly used to achieve life


changing results.  It can be mistaken as a way to control other people, but that’s really


not the function of a boundary.


It is a way of drawing a “circle” around our behavior and ourselves.   It may seem that boundaries


would separate us from others, but they really do quite the opposite.  A boundary includes a


request you make of someone to change a certain behavior and a consequence. It is the what you


will do to self-protect if they violate the boundary again.  Boundaries are about your self-care.


Because healthy boundaries promote self-responsibility and empowerment, they can lead to closer


relationships with others.


Now add grieving into your heart.  If you have struggled with boundaries with others or yourself


they do not go away because you are experiencing a loss.  As a matter of fact, you must now


recognize which people or situations drain your energy or trigger negative emotions.




Three Tips To Help You Start Setting Healthy Boundaries


  1. Be aware of your own needs. Know that your needs will change from day to day in this process.  Be open to the minute by minute and day by day change.
  2. It’s ok to say no. without apology, if it is in your best interest.
  3. Let or ask others to help, without guilt.


And as a final thought be very protective of your time and try not to overcommit yourself.  It will take


every ounce your energy to get through the grieving process.  Know this, you must know for yourself


what limits you feel are appropriate for you.  This is most often an internal conversation, as no one else


can tell you what your comfort zone is.




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