Talking To Your Children About Pain and A Broken heart

November 15, 2019

Talking to Children about Loss and Grief


DO – Go first. As the adult, you are the leader.    

DO – Tell the truth about how you feel. Telling the truth about your own grief and about how you feel will establish a tone of trust and make your child feel safe in opening-up about his or her own feelings. 

DO – Recognize that grief is emotional, not intellectual and that sad or scared feelings are normal. Avoid the trap of asking your child what is wrong, for he or she will automatically say, “Nothing.”      

DO – Listen with your heart, not your head. Allow all emotions to be expressed without judgment, criticism, or analysis. 

DO – Remember that each child is unique and has a unique relationship to the loss.  

DO – Be patient. Don’t force your child to talk. Give your child time. Make sure to plant healthy ideas about talking about feelings.  

DON’T – Say “Don’t Feel Scared.” Fear is a common and normal response. 

DON’T – Say “Don’t Feel Sad.” Sadness is a healthy and normal reaction. Sadness and fear, the two most common feelings attached to loss of any kind, are essential to being human. 

DON’T – Ask your children how they are feeling. Like adults, fearful of being judged, they will automatically say, “I’m Fine,” even though they are not.  

DON’T – Act strong for your children. They will interpret your “non-feeling” as something they are supposed to copy.  

DON’T – Compare their lives or situations to others in the world. Comparison always minimizes feelings.  

We Are Here With You,

Sharon and Erica

One More Thought:

You can not go back and change what has happened.   We are so sorry. We wish this was our super-power. We want you to consider this:  You want to know how we know this? Because that was exactly how we both felt.  We did not know how to help our children when our first loss occurred and we made hundreds of mistakes.  Thank you for allowing us to share

Below are some ways to get to know us better


Our eBook:

TEDx: Sharon Brubaker 

The Blog:



Facebook and Instagram ~ @healingstartswiththeheart

Sharon (661)212-0720    Erica (818)974-1124

Related Articles

Catapulted into Grief: What to Do Right After a Loss

Catapulted into Grief: What to Do Right After a Loss

Knowing how to navigate the grief at the onset is key to beginning the healing process. Here are 3 truths to hold onto when the death of a loved one derails your life. When someone loses a child, or experiences a traumatic breakup, divorce, or a job loss; or a loved...

Feeling Relief When Your Person Dies

Losing a loved one is never easy, no matter the circumstances. When a person dies, we are often filled with a complex mix of emotions. While we may feel sadness and grief at their passing, we may also experience a sense of relief, particularly if our loved one had...

In Honor of My Bestie: 7 Ways to Heal the Loss of a Best Friend

In Honor of My Bestie: 7 Ways to Heal the Loss of a Best Friend

The death of a best friend can feel worse than losing a limb. Here are 7 easy ways to honor your bestie as you grieve the loss. She's the person you called first when you got the promotion. The shoulder you cried on after a breakup. You knew each other inside and out...