The Childless Mother

April 16, 2021

I was always the girl who seized the most out of life.  The one everyone else wanted to be around to lift their spirits, but now I feel so lonely because my heart is broken.


I can feel the weight of a thousand stones on my chest and I am not sure if it will ever go away. It feels as though he understands to some degree, but honestly, no one really does, especially not when they haven’t experienced this before.

My mother has three other children who are healthy.  She planned to get pregnant.  It happened and was never an issue for her. Same with my sister, my aunts and cousins… so why me?

Now sometimes I just feel like I am on an island all by myself since no one else can experience what’s happening inside me in quite the same way or understand how much pain it causes day after day.

The infertility journey can be tough on you and your partner. Learning how to grieve, as well as finding ways to cope with the stress of this struggle is important if you want a life that isn’t just OK but better than before!

And they’re not to blame; this is a thing we all have in common because nobody knows what the right answer is, or if there even exists one at all for us.

Your partner doesn’t know how to help you either – but that’s okay! You came together out of love so don’t be surprised when he tries his hardest with everything else too, like getting up early every morning before work just to bring you breakfast.

While I was fortunate enough find myself someone who truly understands me on top of being willing to share my sadness’s as well as joys with, the helpfulness and compassion doesn’t fill this void completely.

It’s ok not to feel totally fine all the time – in fact it would be unusual for someone going through what we are, to not have some ups and downs emotionally throughout their journey.

Seeking support from friends or counselors who understand these feelings may help ease any pressure we placed on ourselves. On the flip side, it certainly doesn’t take it all away.

One of the things that is most stressful about infertility, aside from waiting game, is dealing with grief.  The pain of this broken heart. The grieving process can be difficult to understand on your own because sometimes we truly believe that we only grieve when someone dies. It’s common for people who are struggling with fertility issues to spend hours online looking at baby pictures, videos and doodads in order to plan for the future and make themselves feel better.

It is the pain of what has not happened.  The loss of what could be. The constant reminder that I am still childless. What happens when getting pregnant becomes more difficult than we thought, when there’s an issue related to our ability as fertile individuals? You are not alone.

You may need help coping during this tough time; grief support will often provide assistance by helping someone recognize their feelings and supporting them through various stages along healing journey. If there is one thing I know about this experience, it is that we are guaranteed ups and downs.

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