When your loss first occurs, you will be numb, and time will seem to run together.
We often talk to people who sometimes say, “Today was a good day.” Meaning they were able to make it through without falling on the ground and falling apart. They got out of bed. Maybe it was a good day because they combed their hair.
Sooner or later, the days will not be running together so much, and the grief will mostly settle into a few times during the day. You will always know that it is there. You can quickly access it. But for the most part, it will be at bay.
Many grievers ask why the grief is particularly bad ________ (fill in the blank with the time of day). The truth is that different people are affected at different times.
No matter what time of day your grief decides to show itself, be it in the morning, noon or at night, it is the time that is right for you.
Some say that it changes with the seasons. It may also have to do with your schedule. If grievers have to get up early in the morning and do not have time to process the pain, they learn very early to push this pain away. The first thought in the morning may be, “Oh yeah, that happened.”
They are no longer here. And the thought of going through your day without them can become unbearable.
Maybe you were never a morning person. Maybe you need to wake up slowly and need some quiet in the morning before you start your day. In the quiet is a very common place for pain to appear.
Maybe you are a night owl, and this is the time you slow your mind down, but the ugly monster of grief appears. Also, the grief monster who comes to you in the middle of the night is equally important.
For me, every morning was a reminder without him in my life. The pain was almost unbearable. But I had children and I had to get them to school and make lunch, so there was someone else who needed me.
It was easy to remember that our entire life had been turned upside-down as soon as I opened my eyes. I would jump in the shower and process the pain. Even though I now know that this is wrong, I did not want my children to see me in this pain. I knew that the moment I turned off the shower, I needed to be done and be their mother.
The bottom line here is that many people report that they feel the worst during different times of the day. The most important thing to do is to feel. We must feel the feelings, even the BAD ones. We know we say this a lot, but whatever you feel, whenever you feel it, is completely normal and natural.
Grieving means you feel sadness, pain, loneliness and isolation. Friends, there is no perfect time of the day to grieve. There is a perfect amount of time that we should grieve. There is only pain, which is ours to process till completion.
