Grief doesn’t always look like we expect. Sometimes, it arrives in silence—not in sobs or outbursts, but in the quiet moments when you feel an unbearable weight pressing down on you. It’s the kind of grief that makes your chest feel tight, your body heavy, and your thoughts too tangled to express.

I once spoke with a woman named Emily, who lost her father suddenly. At his funeral, she stood motionless as people hugged her and whispered words of comfort she couldn’t seem to process. Weeks passed, and people kept checking in, asking, “How are you doing?” Each time, she forced a small smile and said, “I’m okay.” But she wasn’t.

Emily’s grief lived in the spaces between words. It was in the way she hesitated before dialing her father’s number, only to remember he wouldn’t answer. It was in the nights she spent staring at the ceiling, feeling like her world had shifted in a way no one else could see. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t talking. But she was drowning.

If this sounds familiar, know this: Grief does not need to be spoken to be real. And silence does not mean you are healing. Many people struggle with expressing their grief because they fear burdening others, or they simply don’t know how to put their pain into words. But suppressing it doesn’t make it disappear—it just makes it harder to carry.

Why Some People Grieve in Silence

• Fear of judgment: Others may not understand or may pressure you to “move on.”
• Not knowing how to express emotions: Grief is overwhelming, and sometimes words feel inadequate.
• Trying to be “strong”: Some feel they need to hide their pain to support others.
• Numbness and shock: The brain protects itself by shutting down emotions temporarily.

How to Start Processing Grief When You Can’t Speak About It

If you’re struggling to put your grief into words, here are actionable steps to help you begin healing:

1. Write a Letter to Your Loved One

• Tell them what you miss about them.
• Share what you didn’t get to say.
• Write it without worrying about structure—just let it flow.

2. Express Your Grief Creatively

• Journaling: Write out your thoughts, even if they don’t make sense.
• Art & Music: Drawing, painting, or playing an instrument can release emotions non-verbally.
• Photography: Capture places or objects that remind you of your loved one.

3. Find a Safe Space to Share

• Talk to someone who truly understands—grief support groups are great for this.
• Join a community where grief is openly discussed—like The Grief School Facebook group.
• Attend live grief talks where real conversations happen (I host these on TikTok!).

4. Move Your Body to Move Your Grief

• Take a walk in nature and reflect.
• Try yoga, deep breathing, or stretching.
• Dance to music that connects you to your loved one.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

• It’s okay to not be okay.
• Avoid comparing your grief to others.
• Allow emotions to come naturally—without forcing or suppressing them.

You Are Not Alone: Join Us for Support

If you’ve been struggling with grief in silence, I want you to know that you are not alone. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay, and you don’t have to figure this out by yourself.

💬 Join me live on TikTok, where we talk openly about grief in a space where no one has to hide their pain.

📌 Become part of The Grief School Facebook group, where we support each other through the ups and downs of grief. Together, we heal.

Your grief is real. Your emotions are valid. You don’t have to carry this alone.