I can’t say that I remember being told to grieve alone.
I never really saw anyone in my family grieve.
The first death that I ever experienced was an Aunt that died when I was 16 years old.
What I saw my parents do was “stay busy”. Keep involved with the arrangements and ben around the family.
I cannot point to a moment of that time and says this is what grieving looks like. When my beautiful nephew Austin died grieve alone is what I did.
I was the queen of grieve alone. It seems so natural. It fit the situation to a T.
If you have had a chance to read my other blog then you know it was very important for me to “Be Strong for My Sister, Erica”, another one of the famous 6 myths of grieving.
The day after I found out that Austin had died I woke-up went into the shower and cried my eyes out.
It was extremely important that my children not see me crying. I did not want to make them feel bad. I made mistakes back them. I did not know that it was my job to show them how to grieve.
When I was done with this grieving I put myself together and starting the process of “Being Strong”. We can also see how many of these myths work very well together.
Grieve alone leads to “being strong for others” and it goes along very well with his sister keep busy!
This became a process that I repeated day in and day out. I did not talk about how it felt because I honestly thought that I did not have the right to complain as I was “Just the Aunt”.
After all Erica had lost a child. Who am I to complain? I did not think that I was worthy of the luxury to grieve.
Day after day, I repeated this process.
No one ever asked me how I was doing.
No one ever asked me how I was feeling. I was so busy worrying about everyone; I would not dare to let anything out.
Yet I walked around with what felt like a knife that had been inserted into my heart. My heart was bleeding.
I was dying a very slow painful death of my own. I did not know how to fix it. It was not until I enrolled into an educational program on grief and los.
When my Grief Specialist asked me….Sharon why you are here? It was at that moment that I fell apart in front of the entire class.
One simple question was all she asked and I lost it. This was my first experience of letting go of the pain in my broken heart.
She created a safe place for me to share my broken heart with her and the entire class.
Just A Thought About Grief:
- Most times, just like myself, people are just waiting for someone to ask them how they are doing.
- Had anyone just asked me I may have handled the whole grieving experience differently.
- You are worthy of feeling grief. All grief is experienced at 100% no matter who you are or the relationship to the person.
- I grieved the loss of Princess Diana when she passed
- One persons grief is their own to judge.
- Give your grieving friends and family a place to share openly about the pain in their heart without any judgement from you.
- You the griever have the right to feel your feelings. No matter what they are.
Erica and Sharon are Grief Specialists. They teach an educational program on grief, loss and a broken heart.
We Are Here With You,
Sharon and Erica